WHEN DEPENDABILITY IS NOT ENOUGH, IN COMES CREDIBILITY

There are some decisions in life that I just can't make on my own. I want to be mature, and rational about my choices, I want to know that what I'm doing is right. There are a group of people that I trust to ask for advice on certain topics. Everyone is for different subjects, and then theres your closest friends that you can talk to about anything. I love my friends, and I trust them with my life, but when it comes to your future, and your family life, theres only so much you can ask your friends and your boyfriend. It's hard to make rational, mature decisions when you only hear the opinion of other teens, since your most likely in the same place on how you feel about issues. So when the people that you always depend on are not enough, you go for credibility. In my life I have a lot of people that I can talk to, that are more credible than people that I would normally rant to. Even though they tell you the same thing then your friends told you, theres just something about hearing it from someone above you, with strong moral values that suddenly makes the clouds part and show sunny skies. But after hearing it again from someone wiser, I see things more clearly, I realize that what I've been fighting to think this whole time is actually a possibility. Like they say, anything is possible. It's all about doing what you want, all about doing what will make you happy. Even though it might cause some drama, I'm going to do what I want to do. Hello future, hello happiness.

"Forget about her bullshit, do what you want to do."

WHEN EAVESDROPPING IS A GOOD THING

Many that know me would easily put me into the category of curious, maybe even nosey. I'm a person that wants to know everything, about everyone, all the time. I ask, listen, creep on facebook, and of course eavesdropped (but who hasn't?) to learn any information that I can about whatever I want to know. In the past this has been very helpful, hurtful, and just plain amusing. Some frown upon it, even I do sometimes, but today, while eavesdropping on a very familiar classroom, and listening to a missed voice made my creeper-like actions worth it. Kind, wise, intelligent, and a role model to many, he was a huge part of the team that helped keep me together and sane. Evesdropping outside the classroom door made me hear something that really hit me. "You are not your thoughts." I don't know how that relates to me yet, but it really stuck out, and I haven't been able to get those words out of my head since. If I am not my thoughts, then I am a totally different person then what I see myself to be.

Now, only to figure out who I really am..

OLD HOBBY, LOST CRAZE

A hobby, as defined as a pleasurable pastime, is something that is best enjoyed a certain way, and sometimes with certain people. If there is one hobby that I can do any day, any time, its shopping. And yes, as with the definition, I certainly only enjoy it a certain way, and with certain people. (Who can shop properly with shoes that hurt and someone that judges your purchases anyway?) Without that, it really is not as enjoyable to me at all. Strangely today going shopping in a place that I often enjoyed, was unenjoyable. The pleasure that it then provided vanished along with my favourite shopping partner. The drive wasn't the same, the sales weren't the same, the whole thing just wasn't the same. I can't say that I wish it didn't happen, because I haven't quite decided that yet, but I do know that everyday I realize that life isn't quite the same.

Selfishly, I can't help but wonder what life would be like if..

CUTTING THROUGH BEAUTY, ONLY TO DISCOVER BEAUTY WITHIN

Clothes, bags, shoes, make-up. All used to make women feel good and look beautiful. But those things are nothing if you can't rock your 'do. These days, it seems like "beautiful" includes hair, and "girl" includes long, shiny, soft locks. I couldn't imagine how I would personally feel without my hair, or how anyone would feel really. But after years of seeing someone that couldn't grow their own hair, made me realize the impact that hair makes on a woman. That's what made me decide to do it. That's what made me realize that someone could use my long, brown, shiny hair for something that could make them feel beautiful on the outside, instead of just within. Normally my hair appointments bring anxiety since I've been cursed with bad cuts too many times, but this one just felt right. Even though they cut off three pony tails of hair that I've been living with for over a year, it felt like I was doing the right thing. All my anxiety of a bad cut just detached along with my hair and I just trusted that I wouldn't look too much like Zac Efron and that I'd be able to rock my new 'do. So here I am, with hair shorter then ever before, and feeling great. I don't think I could have given a better birthday present.

Happy Birthday Mom, I miss you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Rest Peacefully..

MEMORIES OF ANCIENT TIMES

A few days ago, I was checking my e-mail, and I got an e-mail from an old friend, isntshelovelyy. For those of you that have known me for a long time, blogging was an ancient pastime that was used for randomly talking about my day, and ranting about my life. Then I began to think "why did I stop that? I still have a lot of things to talk about." So here I am, joining the bandwagon as you could say, of blogging, my ancient pastime. Even though I cannot promise that this blog will have no drama, it will definitely lack the grade nine ridiculousness of isntshelovelyy. So here you go, this is my life.

Enjoy.