February 13, 2009
If you haven't already figured from my previous posts, this past year has been quite hard on me. (Shocker isn't it? Especially to my loyal readers) Anyways, a lot has happened, good and bad. I feel like I've been numbed with anaesthetic for the past thirteen months, and most things have been so intense that it's just become a blur. Even though being numb helps you get over the pain, it also prevents you from feeling the pleasure. Some can't comprehend how I live like that, but I do, and I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping it like that for a while now. But honestly, as I've said before, I'm tired. I'm tired of living my life of numbness. I want to feel the pleasure of the great things that I have going in my life, but from what's been going on, the pain has not subsided, it just keeps coming back. I've tried so hard, prayed all I could, and hoped that things could just work out. Things don't always go the way you want them to, and I accept that. But I owe it to myself to be happy. I deserve to withdraw the anaesthetic and feel again. But as much as I hoped, and prayed, and begged for it, it's been proven that I can't do that here. I have never been a person that's hated where I live, and that's not how I feel at all. Vancouver just isn't the same for me anymore. I hope you can understand that.
If you haven't already figured from my previous posts, this past year has been quite hard on me. (Shocker isn't it? Especially to my loyal readers) Anyways, a lot has happened, good and bad. I feel like I've been numbed with anaesthetic for the past thirteen months, and most things have been so intense that it's just become a blur. Even though being numb helps you get over the pain, it also prevents you from feeling the pleasure. Some can't comprehend how I live like that, but I do, and I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping it like that for a while now. But honestly, as I've said before, I'm tired. I'm tired of living my life of numbness. I want to feel the pleasure of the great things that I have going in my life, but from what's been going on, the pain has not subsided, it just keeps coming back. I've tried so hard, prayed all I could, and hoped that things could just work out. Things don't always go the way you want them to, and I accept that. But I owe it to myself to be happy. I deserve to withdraw the anaesthetic and feel again. But as much as I hoped, and prayed, and begged for it, it's been proven that I can't do that here. I have never been a person that's hated where I live, and that's not how I feel at all. Vancouver just isn't the same for me anymore. I hope you can understand that.
