GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF

Since I know that this week and the next are going to be really hard for me, what best to prepare myself by flying off to sunny California to be surrounded by my family that has been so supportive even though they have been so far away. Honestly, I don't think I could have survived the next couple weeks without it. I can't believe that a year has already passed. And I know for a fact that it's going to be hard to face it all over again. So to California I thank for relaxing and preparing me for the chaos of the next couple weeks. I couldn't ask for it any other way.

PENCIL IN RANDOMNESS

I like to daydream. To sit around and think about all the lovely things that I can get with my life, and how I can live it to it's fullest potential. I know what I want, and sorta when I want it. Does that mean that my life is set? Nope. Things never go as planned. No matter how planned, the party tomorrow will end up with the most ridiculously unexpected drama, and you'll get a job that you didn't expect on getting, but it's all good, because for me, unexpectedness is part of the plan. After a while I just learned to pencil randomness in anywhere I could fit it, it makes me feel more prepared, and I need that.

FINDING INSPIRATION THROUGH LOSS

There's that saying, you don't realize what you have until it's gone. For me, I can't really say that I don't see what I have, because I've learned that I need to appreciate whats right in front of me, well I try at least. I have to say though, a few years ago I did not feel the same way. And without her I think it would have taken me a lot longer to figure that out. When I went to the Philippines was the first time I realized how my many people my mom helped in her lifetime, and how much of an impact she made on people. When I was thirteen my mom took me to California to stay with my Lola while she went through chemo for lung cancer. We lived with her for two weeks and drove her to the hospital every day. Two years ago when we visited my recovered Lola in the Philippines, she had no idea who all the people were that were visiting her, until she saw my mom and I, and she cried. The whole time all she could do was hold our hands and stare at us with such a thankful look. That's when I started to think about how my mom helped her, which later grew to how she helped so many others. It's so inspiring to know how much someone so close to you has done. I just hope that I can make half the impact on others that she has.

At least now they can be together, in the light

I CAN'T HELP BUT

-- Go on my blog just to look at my slide show up top. I can't help but smile at all the memories, the people who shaped me into who I am.
-- Think about the future. I know, I know. Live to the fullest now, but the future just looks so sweet, and so much less complicated.
-- Make lists, can you tell?
-- Complain to myself about how messy my room is but do nothing about it.
-- Do what people want me to. I'm happy making other people happy.
-- At the same time, do what I want. I long to be independent, it's an only child thing.
-- Go to school looking forward to my four hour break, how can I not?
-- Want to just stay home on my days off. It's so much easier that way.